shabby background

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Road Trip in search of a cocktail table - a no-filter kind of day!

Perfect day. We did some thrifting and antiquing and came back with some amazing finds, including a Lane cocktail table, some great books, a Colonel Sanders Christmas Special record, a couple of lithographs and, best of all, these magical (ALREADY put together) puzzles.

On our mini-road trip about an hour and a half north, we found some cool roadside attractions to boot.

Can't wait to frame this album and put it up next to Lance Link and the Evolution Revolution, which graces the wall over our sofa.

If we weren't complete assholes, this might be our Christmas card.

This little girl at the roadside flower place handed me this flower and her little brother gave one to Chris. It was adorbs.

Lethal Weapon poster on the side of the road. Why not?

Not only did we come across a Kmart, we also stepped inside and re-entered 1986. It. Rocked.

And the best find of the day: Lane cocktail table

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

I chose option 5, of course!

So. I could be ashamed of my shopping habits, but my pride won't let that happen. I NEVER pay full price for anything. I know the TJ/Marshall's brands so well that I tend to anticipate what items will inevitably end up in those stores, and wait, yes, WAIT, for them to grace the shelves of these magnificent meccas of mega-deals.  Never again will I buy a candle from Yankee Candle Co. Never again will I buy my shampoo or Hemp lotion from the salon when I can get it for half the price at the Maxx. Never again will I buy athletic clothing from department stores, the Nike store, or even (sigh) Lululemon, as I can find Adidas, Nike and company at, you guessed it, the Maxx.

So what's my dilemma, you ask? Two years ago, I found some magnificent Ironman running capris at Marshall's, on clearance, for just $10 a pair. They fit great and made my glutes (yes, I said glutes) look super fly so I bought three pairs. Didn't realize that the Ironman symbol on the front actually implies that I have completed an Ironman. Until just recently, when I was asked by no less than three different competitive runners which Ironman I completed. So here are my options: 1) Compete in an Ironman. Tempting, as I really do love those pants. But fuck, 70.3 miles? Yeah, you make fun of me Joe Rauch but I'd stick that 70.3 sucker on my car in a heartbeat. 2) Throw in the towel. Trash the pants and never ever fake being a triathlete again. Who am I kidding? I don't deserve to wear those pants. When I wear them, I shame mega-athletes everywhere. 3) Get a sharpie marker and color over the Ironman symbol so my life is no longer a big fat lie. 4) Tell people I have competed in an Ironman competition and come up with some bullshit story detailing it to just the right extent. Wow, never saw those man-o-wars coming (wink, wink). 5) Brag about finding these pants for just $10 a pair and dare someone to question my judgement, regardless of the faker I seem to be.

But I digress. While I do think it's a bit obnoxious to constantly showcase incredible deals, I kind of want to show them off. Maybe somewhere inside my head, I believe that I have the power to save people from the burdens of over-spending by showing them how insanely great the deals I find can be. How different would this world be if we all shopped at discount stores?

Do you see the symbol? Sir Dirt McGrit is ashamed to have such a faker as his person.

Saturday, September 28, 2013

3 dirty habits I've developed lately that I don't want people to know about - yet here I am, blogging about them anyway...

1. Eating to excess, alone, in a violent manner, at a pre-determined time. So it's lunch time at work and I'm alone at my desk. I made a delicious salad, or sandwich, and can't hold back any longer. I watch the clock and as soon as it hits noon, I'm on that sucker. I inhale it like the future of the human race, the children of the world are depending on me. In fact, if I don't finish this salad in 5 minutes flat OR LESS, my husband's penis will fall off. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. (Sigh).

2. Obsessively scouring running message boards, trying to figure out an easy way to fix my latest injury. So. With running comes injuries. It's just something you have to deal with if you want to get into the dirty world of road racing. Last year, after 5 years of horrific, brutal build-up, I was thrilled to officially find my running zen. Running all of a sudden started to feel good (not just after I was done, but oftentimes even while in the throes of pain and exhaustion). And I was getting pretty good at it. I started racking up medals and shit. I PR'd with a 21:58 5K. I jest you not. The thrill of it all was almost overwhelming. But damn it, my ankles started screwing me up. I'd twist them, turn them, all but beat the crap out of them with a crowbar, and got to know my $250 ankle brace from the ortho amazingly well. I'm so sick of injuries I could scream. But now, instead of heading straight for the doc, I scour these message boards, looking for "the big solution" to all of my problems. Even when I'm not struggling, I LOVE googling things like "ankle injury out outside of ankle near heal that feels like 1000 knives stabbing foot when I sit Indian style". AND PEOPLE, they answer. They know things. Lots of things. But then, when reason kicks in (damn you) I start to wonder about the people who pop up over and over on these message boards. I imagine them being a group of know-it-alls (we can smell our own) who have annual know-it-all conventions and talk about different topics. For instance, the topic of day 4 will be "best ways to cure ankle injuries" and each party will take his turn sharing his fake knowledge. And a whole bunch of running message board whores are there, listening to every word and taking notes. NOW I HAVE THE ANSWERS I HAVE SOUGHT FOR SO LONG.

3. Going to stores like Anthropologie and Lululemon pretending like I can afford, well, anything, pretending to look at the regular priced stuff and trying not to too obviously make a beeline for the clearance section. When the sales person approaches me, I smile and pretend to be interested in something that's not on clearance, then when she helps me find my size, I try not to throw up when I casually glance at the price tag. It's tough, but it's times like these that I thank my lucky stars for my college acting classes. As I swallow the impending regurgitation, I head to the fitting room to try on the $300 pair of running capris and on the way, say, "oh, look, I'm just going to take a quick glance at the clearance section." The sales person nods her head and looks at me with disdain. I find the one thing on clearance that has a small stain on it (additional discount WHAT!?), skip the fitting room and check out that one item, putting back the $300 capris and leaving with my head hanging down in shame. Maybe, just maybe, I can sell my laptop and go back to buy the capris. Nah.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Bedroom Magic

Chris and I have spent the last few months updating our apartment with a new look (on the cheap - more to come on this project in an upcoming post.) It's been fun, BUT through the course of all this, we neglected the bedroom, which made me sad. A couple of weeks ago, Chris told me to "go nuts" with the bedroom and make it whatever I'd like (since he has the nerd room/man cave which he did completely his way). So I did it! I decided I wanted to continue with the mid-century feel but I really love a rustic-ish feel and magical things and of course, being a DIY princess, I had to create SOMETHING.

So it's tough to tell with the lighting being a bit lousy, but the color theme is lavender/green/brown.

Spike is satisfied with the new look. I won't post a picture of the room "before" because, well it's just embarrassing.

I created this "picture" using some wooden tiles from Kudzu antiques, purple yarn and an a frame from Hobby Lobby. It was insanely easy. You should do it too - it WILL change your life.

Tough to tell but the curtains are super cute - lavender, and of course because I needed a little sparkle, I strung up some LED star lights!

And picked up two of these super cute owl lamps from World Market - LOVE THEM!

I'm definitely planning to add more to it (still trying to figure out a way to string lights from the ceiling to create a starry-magical-fairy effect), and also working on this wolf paint-by-number (for GROWNUPS, Judgy McJudgerson) that I'm putting up somewhere once it's finished. But for now, not too bad given I did it in just a couple of days with a VERY LIMITED BUDGET.

I love changing up the look of things from time to time. Adding your own touch to things in your home really makes it more enjoyable and super fun. I'm so happy I could do a thousand cartwheels (well, maybe just one or two).

Friday, July 12, 2013

Magical Happy Blissyness (AKA On being over 30)...

So there are several pieces that have been floating around the Inter-webs about the negatives of hitting the big 3-0. I know there are quite a lot of bits that hit close to home for many people (myself included), but, if I may, I'd like to offer a well-thought out, highly personal, likely way-too-serious retort.

Your 30's kick ass. You are no longer a 20-something person trying to "find yourself", struggling with the confusion of whether or not you should stay home and watch Supernatural, then got to bed at 11, or go out and party with all the kids. You no longer give nearly as much of a damn what other people think, AND, you've made a fool out of yourself enough times that at this point, you should have some degree of self-restraint (which is a GODSEND, let me tell you). So here's a list of reasons why 30's are waaaaay better than 20's (disclaimer: this list does not of course apply to everyone in their 30's, this is simply based on my own experience):

1) You don't give a damn if people know that you go to bed at 11 after watching Supernatural. Who's got no hangover and feels fresh and amazing the next day?? This gal!

2) You may not know what you want to do with your life, BUT you've matured enough to realize that that's completely cool and actually kind of admirable.

3) You realize that while many friends are having kids, it's completely fine to wait a little while longer and totally acceptable to opt out of child-bearing. As I've recently learned, there are plenty of people who have kids (or become parents) into their late 30's and even sometimes early 40's.

4) You start to care more about other people, and less about what other people think of you.

5) Yes, you may start buying shoes more for comfort than sex appeal, but, OMG you guys there are shoes that offer BOTH!!! And they can be super cute and sexy. Ask my feet!

6) It's completely acceptable to buy books from the self-help section. In fact, if you're like me, half of your conversations may revolve around the teachings of Wayne Dyer, the Dalai Lama, etc.

7) You're no longer *quite* so reckless, and you do wear sunscreen not because adults always told you to, but because you start giving a shit about things like cancer.

8) You no longer feel guilty for needing a full 8 hours of sleep at night. It's just understood and people no longer question it.

9) You don't ever have to suffer through your first hangover again (which is typically the case in your 20's as well, but hey, it's a comforting thought for all, am I right?).

10) If you're like me, you kind of start noticing things you hadn't really noticed before. Like flowers, trees, nice sunsets, and God help me, Steve Winwood. I stopped for a solid 5 minutes on a run not too long ago to marvel at a garden of tulips. Magical happy blissyness.

11) It's harder to get bored because you're probably more likely to focus your time on things that really matter. Like a marathon session of Arrested Development on a Sunday with the mister.

12) You can revel in the satisfaction that you grew up with many of the most kick-ass cartoons EVER. Smurfs, Gummy Bears, Rainbow Bright, He-Man, GI Joe, TMNT - there was something for EVERY one of us.

13) You got to experience at least (or close to) half your life without the Internet. But you are young enough to really embrace it at the same time. It's a good place to be. Can't imagine what childhood would have been like for me if I'd had a computer WITH the Internet in my home. I'd have been so fat, plus I would have never showered.

14) You gradually become more and more aware that it's not just you - EVERYBODY is insecure as hell. Nobody really cares that much what you're wearing or how much you weigh because they're all too busy stressing about their own images. Image is dumb, but everyone struggles with it.

15) After trying so hard to be an adult for a whole decade, you realize that it's totally fine to embrace the pieces of your childhood that made you who you are. Don't throw away the toys - keep them. And not for your future children - for you.


Saturday, May 25, 2013

So I applied for this reality show...

It's called "Wipeout." You may have seen it - it's basically the American version of Most Extreme Elimination Challenge. I think I'd be really good on the show. Here are some of my answers to the application questions:


A: My current position - I am in charge of a running program for the homeless :-) Past interesting jobs include bartender and child and adolescent therapist. I also work as a secret shopper from time to time. It's fun because I can live out my spy dreams without getting caught and interrogated


A: I wasn't voted anything, although I'm certain they intended to vote me "most likely to start a business wherein I embroider unicorns on...things"


A: I struggle with timeliness. I procrastinate. I have been known to be a little on the stubborn side. I have a bad habit of hitting things (mainly other cars) with my car.


A:  Running, blogging, podcasting, starting craft projects and not finishing them


A: I began running 6 years ago and struggled to complete my first 5K. After getting beat by Mena Suvari, who was 10 seconds ahead of me in a 5K, I then vowed to exact my revenge on her. Though she has no clue who I am, one day she will rue the day she beat Tiffany Brennaman by 10 seconds. Over the past two years I have begun placing in my age groups and have actually won overall female in two races.


A: Nothing really major - I just HATE snakes. I think that comes from the fact that they're, well, really creepy.


A: I came across the show while flipping through the channels and immediately KNEW that I needed to be on it. I have worked really hard to get into the best shape of my life and I am sort of on the nutty, crazy side. I have gone bungee jumping and sky diving so heights are not a problem for me. I really love Most Extreme Elimination Challenge and got super excited when I saw that there was something similar to that in the US. Also - I really want to have a training montage.


A: I went skydiving for my 30th birthday and finagled my friends into doing it with me. I was getting some pretty ugly looks when "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was playing over the loudspeaker in the shaky Cessna at 14,000 feet. Oh, and weather conditions weren't terribly optimal that day.


A: I hear Orson Welles sometimes but I believe I'm more of a Natalie Wood (when she was 33). I've also been mistaken for Jennifer Love Hewitt (they were a little drunk but hell, I'll take it).


A: I would be a dinosaur. No explanation needed.


A: I used to work for United Way. At a national conference a few years back, they had a luau with an open bar and a karaoke machine. After I lost count of the number of drinks I'd had, I found myself grinding the floor, singing "Like a Virgin" with a bunch of folks gathered around (thank GOD iPhones hadn't yet been invented). Needless to say, we left early the next morning (let me also mention that somehow I put my keys in the toilet the night before) and didn't say goodbye


A: I am obsessed with unicorns, I'm a nostalgia freak (love anything mid-late 80's/early90's), and I have a cat named Dirt McGrit. I think airbrush is a lost art and that makes me sad.


A: I would end homelessness forever. And I would make unicorns real.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

On pillows and hormonal days....

So just a little while ago, after a good cry over an episode of Supernatural and a country song (don't even like country music), I consoled myself by ordering bird, red panda, and unicorn pillows.

A little background: we are completely redoing our living room and despite buying a sofa, chair and rug, I was MOST excited about picking out throw pillows. And I've spent quite a lot of time perusing the Society 6 website looking for some awesome finds. And boy howdy, did I find them! These are a couple the ones I decided on:



So being SUPER inspired, I think I'm going to make some custom pillows via cafe press. Here's what I've come up with so far:

What is that, you ask? Well, it's a design my husband commissioned for me for our 11 year wedding anniversary (just this past weekend!). And it couldn't be more perfect.

Want a better view? I thought so:

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Another Magical Caturday Post!

When I was a kid (and, well if we're honest, into my teen years), I used to leap as far out of my bed as possible to avoid getting either 1) pulled under by the monster that was clearly residing under there, where there was a portal a la Little Monsters that would take him back to a hellish place, not at all like Little Monsters; or 2) getting my achilles tendon sliced by the demonic kid who was raised from the dead a la Pet Cemetery.

As a kid I was terrified of using the toilet after hearing a story about a guy who was bitten on the butt by a snake that had slithered its way through the pipes and into the toilet. I STILL, to this day, refuse to use a toilet in the dark (like in the middle of the night) and ALWAYS, ALWAYS check to make sure there's not a snake in the toilet. I also came up with this scenario that because we lived on a lake, the likelihood of a snake at some point finding its way into our house was certainly viable. And it would most definitely find its way into my room and into the foot of my bed while I was sleeping. So every night I would wake up multiple times to check and make sure there wasn't a snake in my bed. Tragic, huh?

So last night when we were of course watching a special on snakes (basically something about how we shouldn't fear them, they fear us, blah, blah, blah), something was said that completely validated my fears. Three words came out of the narrator's mouth that will be etched in my memory forever (echo that like three times): "Snakes are everywhere." WHAT. Then the narrator goes on to say that a pit viper (poisonous, yep) can easily survive in a patch of grass in the middle of downtown Atlanta.

That's fucked up.

So in changing tunes to something that DOES please and sparkle, I wanted to share this amazing lion mane that I'm pretty sure I'll be ordering for Dirt McGrit, Esquire sometime over the next 24 hours. It IS Caturday, after all.


Thursday, April 11, 2013

Is it weird that I can always justify being late?

To myself, that is. And knowingly knowing that I'm completely off-base. For instance. This morning, as I'm typing this post, I'm running late for a meeting. My justification? It's better for me to finish my cup of coffee and be 15 minutes late than to die in a car crash on the way because I wasn't fully awake.

I get that my rationale is completely skewed and totally selfish (I mean, really, look at me thinking of all those pedestrians I could possibly hit on the road because I'm half asleep and unable to fully pay attention). But seriously. This, I've come to realize, is a TERRIBLE habit I've developed. And yet, here I am, still typing!!!

Okay, seriously, I've got to leave. But I'm not done with my coffee yet, and I really need to think of the pedestrians. If I had a dime for every time I've texted someone with the note "running late - fucking traffic" then perhaps I could buy myself something really nice. Like a Union Jack table and chairs. Oh wait, I already did.


Wednesday, March 27, 2013

The BEST oatmeal you will ever try - I dare you to fight me on this one.

So I *may* have left a candle burning too close to my laptop and now it's all melty. THIS IS WHY WE DON'T HAVE NICE THINGS. That was a bad decision on my part.

So let's talk about good decisions - for instance, eating breakfast. If you've ever had a conversation with me and admitted to skipping breakfast, chances are you've gotten a good (and well-deserved) scolding. I believe in a thing called breakfast (just listen to the rhythm of my heart). And because I believe so strongly in the power of that first magical meal of the day, I'm going to share my secret recipe for the most BOSS oatmeal EVER known to woman (or man, or goat). I'm serious you guys. This stuff is so good I've eaten it every morning for over a year. It's a little high in calories but it gives you a ton of fuel to get through your morning.

Lady's Magical Unicorn Oatmeal

1/2 cup old-fashioned oats
1/2 cup almond milk
A little less than 1/2 cup water
1-2 tablespoons vanilla brown rice protein powder (great for thickening the oatmeal if it comes out too watery) - Note: DON'T use whey protein, I tried it and it's no good with this.
1 tablespoon chia seeds
1 large teaspoon nutella
sprinkling of chopped hazelnuts (or slivered almonds)
dash of salt
1/2 banana (if you're feeling froggy)

Mix the oats, almond milk and water. Microwave for 3 minutes. Take that bitch out of the microwave. Mix in everything else listed above. Enjoy. A lot.

P.S. - I would post a picture of this but it actually doesn't look very appetizing. But really, does any oatmeal look appetizing?

Sunday, March 10, 2013

On mindfulness and the creeper at the bank...

I freak out whenever I see a cat (in a good way). I will spend more than a few minutes smelling candles in a TJ Maxx store. I have known to shop at 6 different grocery stores in 1 day, just to find the best deal on kale. My car is horrendously cluttered, and I like it that way.

And I'm super duper confused when it comes to metaphysical stuff.

I think it's normal to be "searching" for an answer, especially when you hit the early-mid 30's, as you've spent your 20's trying to figure out who the heck you WANT to be, then you spend your 30's making it happen (or something like that), with of course quite a few hiccups along the way, and oftentimes you end up doing something on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. (Let me just say that I'm not trying to teach some great lesson or anything, I'm just speaking purely from my uber-limited life experience).

I've said in a past post that I believe quite strongly that a lot of our purpose here in this life is to make connections - with each other, with other living beings, with whatever higher being you may choose (if that is your path), with that creeper at the bank (just be nice to him, he *probably* isn't actually stalking you). The connections will oftentimes give you signs to point you in the right direction, if you open your mind up to it. I really think I may be on to something here.

So in case you don't already know, my day job is program director for an organization that works with the homeless. There's a man in the program with whom I've become quite connected. He's struggled with alcoholism for quite some time and has a pretty colorful history (much of which is attributed to a rough childhood, which seems to be the case with many of the men in our program). He recommended that I read a book called The Four Agreements, which I read and thoroughly enjoyed (and frequently go back to when I need a reminder that I'm being ridiculous). So I went to him and asked for another recommendation, and he recommended The Alchemist. Later on that week, after I purchased it from the Kindle store, a friend and I were riding in my car and she out of the blue mentioned that The Alchemist is her favorite book ever (not knowing that it had been recommended to me and I had just the day before downloaded it).

During the course of all of these occurrences, I had a conversation with my mom on the phone and she told me to "stop and smell the roses." Not joking, the minute she said this, I was playing with a new listing app on my iPhone and the sample list on the app said "stop and smell the roses." WEIRD.

So of course, I read The Alchemist and loved it. Much of what I got from it was right in line with the iPhone app/mom message. During the course of all of THESE occurrences, I happen to be taking a course on a form of therapy that is based on the zen technique of mindfulness. Not sure if any of this means anything in particular but my dreamy, super optimistic and metaphysical-obsessed side thinks perhaps it could.

So what DOES all of this mean? The connections to others and the universe around us are super important. Coincidences can be just that, but I think if we notice them happening a lot, it could mean something a little more. Also, stop and smell the damn roses (or pet the kitten as I would do, unless of course it's feral, then it may not be a well-thought-out decision). Just a thought.

Anywho, if you haven't seen the screaming goats video, you totally should.

Saturday, February 23, 2013

On screaming like a banshee (among other things)...

After seeing several references to goats over the past week, I feel compelled to write a post about them. I just love them so much. They bleat and sometimes even scream like humans.

But alas there's little I can say on that topic.

So things have been...interesting over the past few weeks. I have discovered a few new loves that I'd really like to share:

1) Trampoline fitness - this is mind-blowing and life-changing. You can burn like 1000 calories an hour AND it gives people like me an excuse to jump on trampolines for an hour. I even bought a monthly membership to this local gym so I can go as much as I want. I know what you're thinking - trampolines are for kids, don't you have little kids jumping around all the time? The answer is...yes...BUT the fitness classes are good because I can just start doing sky-jacks and tucks (screaming like a banshee) and the kids will go away. Kind of like vampires and crosses.

2) The Sir Mix-A-Lot station on Pandora. I found myself rapping "Buttermilk Biscuits" with an autistic fellow and just got inspired. I have a secret dream of being a rapper (I sometimes send raps to my husband via autorap - an iPhone app that you NEED).

3) Juicing has, once again, entered my world. I haven't been giving my juicer NEARLY the amount of TLC it deserves, mainly because I hate cleaning it after only making one or two glasses of juice. My paranoia kept from from trying to do a whole pitcher because I fear the juice will rot after a day. BUT I took the plunge, did a pitcher and guess what? Three days in, it has yet to rot and still tastes yummy. Celery, cucumbers, carrots, kale and apples ALMOST taste like a bloody mary. Almost.

Yes, that is a butterfly fairy in the background. There's also a picture of Seal (the artist). I deem that my corner of magical things.

4) WE'RE GOING TO EUROPE FOR OUR 11 YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!! I am so excited I can barely stand it. This is such a huge deal for me because I've never been outside of the country. Truthfully, we don't have a ton of money for the trip so we're doing it as cheaply as possible (and being the Queen of Cheap, I am working it quite well). So our plan is to stay in London and take the train to Edinburgh for a day and hit Paris for at least one day. I really hope we can go up in a balloon. Please, any suggestions as to things to do are certainly welcome!!

5) Guess what? Today is Caturday! I've realized over the past few weeks that my Spike is not only incredibly scuzzy but also has severe separation anxiety. He's been following me around constantly and sleeps right up on me every single night. When I come home, he actually jumps up on the table and climbs onto my shoulder and it's nearly impossible to put him down. Poor little kitler.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

A Truly Orgasmic Salad...

Not sure if you've tried TJ's kale and edamame salad, but if you haven't you needn't waste 3.99 to give it a shot. I found this recipe for a knockoff version and tweaked it just a bit. The results? HEAVEN. On a multi-orgasmic level ;-)


So I pretty much followed the recipe linked above for the ingredients (minus the dressing) although I omitted the mint and basil. But don't freak out! Instead, I made this dressing which completely changed my life (let me note that I didn't have any tamari so used soy sauce instead - it was completely fine). Ever turned up a bowl and drank the salad dressing after finishing a salad? Yeah, me neither. Until I found this dressing.

The combo of dressing + salad was simply magical. I swear, visions of unicorns danced through my dining room while I ate this salad.

 Nom nom nom!

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Where are the fashion police when I need them most?

Have you ever just worn the absolute wrong thing? You know when you've done it because it's pretty fricckin' obvious the moment you arrive all decked out in what you may have thought was your most brilliant fashion choice EVER. What a massive mountain of regret it can be.

Well, as you may (or may not) have guessed, I have a terrible habit and a LONG history of doing just this. As a child I always wanted so badly to dress myself, and having a mother who was having absolutely none of that, I think as an adult I developed this "you (meaning society) don't tell me how to live my life" attitude about clothes. I am ashamed to say this "mom dressing me" thing lasted through high school so by the time I got to college I didn't really know the first thing about developing a style of my own. I remember even my senior year, mom taking out the LL Bean catalogue and telling me to pick out the colors of the boxy, oversized polos (she always ordered me a size or 2 too big) I would get to wear for the next 9 months.  Shopping at the Gap or American Eagle was not much of an option for me unless I wanted to buy my own clothes. Which I did manage to do from time to time, but really had no idea what I was doing. Case in point: the first clothing items I bought with my own money were a long-sleeved tie-dye shirt with a giant heart on the front of it, a purple leather jacket (which got stolen, thank God - I'm pretty sure said thieves were the fashion police), and a pair of bright orange Asics (for style, not because I ran because I didn't); all of which I would wear TOGETHER. That was my favorite outfit for longer than I'd like to admit.

I admire the crap out of people who just put it all out there and can be completely confident in whatever they wear, and I think my rationale behind some of my fashion choices has been, "well, even if I end up looking ridiculous, my sparkling personality will SURELY outweigh the fact that my outfit sucks."  I remember, at the age of 12, I went through confirmation at my church. Let me start by saying that the day before confirmation Sunday, I had spent the whole day at a pool party with no sunscreen. So I show up for the ceremony and ALL of the other little girls are wearing white dresses. But me? I'm wearing a black dress with hot pink and purple flowers all over it, puffy sleeves, AND my skin is a brilliant Carrie-esque blood red sunburn. I FULLY blame my mom for this fashion choice as I know she was humiliated when she realized she didn't get the memo about everyone wearing white, but guess who ended up looking like the resident dumbass (hint - it wasn't her). I'm pretty sure the whole congregation, along with God, were embarrassed for me.

So all of this leads me to my adult life. I can honestly say that at 32, I still have no idea what I'm doing in terms of fashion half the time. And I still make the mistake of showing up in jeans at the absolute wrong time AT LEAST once a month. Wouldn't it be nice if a dress code were sent out for every occasion, from a work meeting to a bachelorette party to a wedding shower? I've gone to showers where everyone was dressed in their Sunday best, and others where folks wore jeans and sneakers, and I showed up in just the opposite thing everyone else was wearing. Why can't there be a general code of conduct for things that states something to the effect of: "Everyone can wear whatever they want whenever they want, so long as it is pleasing to the eye." Why are we as society so bound by dress codes? And why don't I ever seem to get the memos?

If I could have it my way, I wouldn't wear jeans anyway. I'd wear yoga pants, tank tops, hoodies and fuzzy boots everywhere. Suck it, fashion police!

Sunday, January 20, 2013

The Milkman, She-Ra and, of course, goats...

So if you've ever had a conversation with me, you've likely learned that one of my ultimate goals in life is to own a huge home and decorate each room with a different theme. Not only will it make my home the most interesting one to visit; it will also force my creative juices to flow into overdrive (which could very well result in something fantastically bizarre). I've been gathering ideas for the past few years.

1) Master Bedroom: This would be the Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon room (sans swords and fights and, you know, killing). Simplicity. Neutral colors. A yoga space. A bamboo tree. Perhaps a panda in said tree. Or a family of pandas. Could be a little distracting when we're trying to sleep but, well, who do you know who has pandas in their bedroom? And most importantly, and to keep in line with said theme, in this room people can glide/float when they jump.

2) Master Bath: Same thing, just to keep in line with the Crouching Tiger theme. Simplicity - candles, neutrals, maybe a zen garden. Spike would be stationed here, just to maintain some consistency with the panda piece. The bedroom/bathroom themes are going to be the calm spots in a house full of chaos.

3) Kitchen: Definitely 1950's. Black and white checkered floor. Tiffany blue and red EVERYWHERE. I'd even pay someone to deliver milk every day in old-fashioned milkman garb. Because, you know, I can.


4) Guest Bedroom 1: The Room of Magical Creatures. You guessed it - unicorns, coupled with the musical stylings of Seal. I needn't go into detail on this as I'd like for you to use your imagination.

5) Guest Bedroom 2: The Moroccan style, Super Sexy Room. No furniture - just pillows everywhere. And drapes, lanterns, dark jewel tones everywhere. Incense would be burning. This is the place to go for business time.

6) Guest Bedroom 3: The ADHD Room. Lava lamps everywhere. A disco ball. One of those laser show projection things. Perhaps a goat. An endless supply of candy. Slinkys. One of those moving water pictures on the wall, with the sound of water and dolphins clicking every few minutes.

7) Guest Bedroom 4: The Child of the 80's Room. I think this will be my most cherished (and yours, too). A full-sized, working version of the Rockafire Explosion (with the curtain to pull when it's time to go to sleep, as I know how creepy Fats the Gorilla can be, and frankly, I don't want him watching my guests sleep). Shelves with ALL of the cool toys we used to play with: Teddy Ruxpin, the California Raisins, Rainbow Bright, Transformers, G.I. Joe, He-Man and She-Ra. The bed would be covered with old school stuffed animals including but not limited to E.T., a Glo Worm and the Care Bears (NOT the new versions). There would be a Hello Kitty corner that smells like cherries and is set up like the Hello Kitty Store from my childhood (Macon Mall - many allowances were spent on pencil cases and stickers here). A record player with multiple records including Madonna, George Michael, Prince, Cyndi Lauper and the soundtrack to Flashdance. The party would start and end in this room.


8) Outside: There would be a miniature animal farm, of course, with goats, pigs and sheep. And a trampoline.


Monday, January 7, 2013

On antiquing, haunted teddy bears and Tiffany blue

As I've gotten older and somewhat more mature, I've found this unbelievably strong urge to antique the shit out of my life. So while you and yours are out shopping at the mall on a day off, I love nothing more than to hit the antique stores. There are quite a few within a five mile radius of mi casa that I enjoy visiting.

It's not so much the urge to buy things. It's really the spirit of adventure that makes me want to antique. There's something just intoxicating about walking through a really cool antique store. Dead peoples' things rock. (That being said, I do need to clarify that I AM aware of haunted objects and know better than to buy anything that's especially creepy looking (like dolls and stuffed bears that coo and cover their eyes*), and if I do take something home I suspect may be haunted, I know what to do - burn it. Or call Sam and Dean. God I'm such a nerd).

So there's this AMAZING antique store in Decatur called Kudzu. If you haven't been and live anywhere within, oh, the entire planet, YOU NEED TO VISIT KUDZU. I honestly think this is my most favorite store in the entire world. AND as if this isn't enough, they recently opened a new store in Sandy Springs, on Roswell Rd. Mind = Blown. A dear friend drunkenly said to me once, "I love you so much I want to throw up." Well, that's how I feel about this store.

Which brings me to the point of this post: robins egg/AKA Tiffany blue. Where has this color been all my life? It is gloriously magnificent and makes me swoon with adoration (and not just because it's associated with my name). I realized just how much I love this color while walking through Kudzu. It seems to adorn so many of the never-ending, beautifully arranged booths. It's such a whimsical color, and I am a great lover of whimsy. But I digress.

So I was walking through Kudzu and found this (coat).

It fit like a glove and was just the perfect color and at a mere $28, was completely worth every penny. It even says "wear in good health" in place of a tag. Ever found that one item that you're pretty certain you were born to wear? Well, this was it for me. And it was solidified when I got complimented by TWO gay men at Lenox Mall while wearing said jacket. WHAT??!!

So in searching for more of this color to light up my life, I ended up creating a Pinterest board for it.


*We were in another local antique store yesterday and Chris pointed to this creepy looking teddy bear sitting on a shelf. I looked over at it and it started moving and cooing. Chris and I both just about peed in our pants we were so freaked out. Upon closer inspection, when it moved its arms it looked like it was covering its eyes. I tried to get a video of this later but the thing wouldn't move again. We thought about buying it for a friend's little kid but our damn heart strings got in the way so we did not move forward with the purchase. How much you want to bet if I go back to the store, not only will the bear not be there anymore, but the employees will know nothing about a cooing teddy bear having ever been in the store?