So what's my dilemma, you ask? Two years ago, I found some magnificent Ironman running capris at Marshall's, on clearance, for just $10 a pair. They fit great and made my glutes (yes, I said glutes) look super fly so I bought three pairs. Didn't realize that the Ironman symbol on the front actually implies that I have completed an Ironman. Until just recently, when I was asked by no less than three different competitive runners which Ironman I completed. So here are my options: 1) Compete in an Ironman. Tempting, as I really do love those pants. But fuck, 70.3 miles? Yeah, you make fun of me Joe Rauch but I'd stick that 70.3 sucker on my car in a heartbeat. 2) Throw in the towel. Trash the pants and never ever fake being a triathlete again. Who am I kidding? I don't deserve to wear those pants. When I wear them, I shame mega-athletes everywhere. 3) Get a sharpie marker and color over the Ironman symbol so my life is no longer a big fat lie. 4) Tell people I have competed in an Ironman competition and come up with some bullshit story detailing it to just the right extent. Wow, never saw those man-o-wars coming (wink, wink). 5) Brag about finding these pants for just $10 a pair and dare someone to question my judgement, regardless of the faker I seem to be.
But I digress. While I do think it's a bit obnoxious to constantly showcase incredible deals, I kind of want to show them off. Maybe somewhere inside my head, I believe that I have the power to save people from the burdens of over-spending by showing them how insanely great the deals I find can be. How different would this world be if we all shopped at discount stores?
|Do you see the symbol? Sir Dirt McGrit is ashamed to have such a faker as his person.|