Another Magical Caturday Post!

When I was a kid (and, well if we're honest, into my teen years), I used to leap as far out of my bed as possible to avoid getting either 1) pulled under by the monster that was clearly residing under there, where there was a portal a la Little Monsters that would take him back to a hellish place, not at all like Little Monsters; or 2) getting my achilles tendon sliced by the demonic kid who was raised from the dead a la Pet Cemetery.

As a kid I was terrified of using the toilet after hearing a story about a guy who was bitten on the butt by a snake that had slithered its way through the pipes and into the toilet. I STILL, to this day, refuse to use a toilet in the dark (like in the middle of the night) and ALWAYS, ALWAYS check to make sure there's not a snake in the toilet. I also came up with this scenario that because we lived on a lake, the likelihood of a snake at some point finding its way into our house was certainly viable. And it would most definitely find its way into my room and into the foot of my bed while I was sleeping. So every night I would wake up multiple times to check and make sure there wasn't a snake in my bed. Tragic, huh?

So last night when we were of course watching a special on snakes (basically something about how we shouldn't fear them, they fear us, blah, blah, blah), something was said that completely validated my fears. Three words came out of the narrator's mouth that will be etched in my memory forever (echo that like three times): "Snakes are everywhere." WHAT. Then the narrator goes on to say that a pit viper (poisonous, yep) can easily survive in a patch of grass in the middle of downtown Atlanta.

That's fucked up.

So in changing tunes to something that DOES please and sparkle, I wanted to share this amazing lion mane that I'm pretty sure I'll be ordering for Dirt McGrit, Esquire sometime over the next 24 hours. It IS Caturday, after all.

source: http://officeforward.com/crazy-cat-full-lions-mane-costume.html

Is it weird that I can always justify being late?

To myself, that is. And knowingly knowing that I'm completely off-base. For instance. This morning, as I'm typing this post, I'm running late for a meeting. My justification? It's better for me to finish my cup of coffee and be 15 minutes late than to die in a car crash on the way because I wasn't fully awake.

I get that my rationale is completely skewed and totally selfish (I mean, really, look at me thinking of all those pedestrians I could possibly hit on the road because I'm half asleep and unable to fully pay attention). But seriously. This, I've come to realize, is a TERRIBLE habit I've developed. And yet, here I am, still typing!!!

Okay, seriously, I've got to leave. But I'm not done with my coffee yet, and I really need to think of the pedestrians. If I had a dime for every time I've texted someone with the note "running late - fucking traffic" then perhaps I could buy myself something really nice. Like a Union Jack table and chairs. Oh wait, I already did.

Amaze-balls.

The BEST oatmeal you will ever try - I dare you to fight me on this one.

So I *may* have left a candle burning too close to my laptop and now it's all melty. THIS IS WHY WE DON'T HAVE NICE THINGS. That was a bad decision on my part.

So let's talk about good decisions - for instance, eating breakfast. If you've ever had a conversation with me and admitted to skipping breakfast, chances are you've gotten a good (and well-deserved) scolding. I believe in a thing called breakfast (just listen to the rhythm of my heart). And because I believe so strongly in the power of that first magical meal of the day, I'm going to share my secret recipe for the most BOSS oatmeal EVER known to woman (or man, or goat). I'm serious you guys. This stuff is so good I've eaten it every morning for over a year. It's a little high in calories but it gives you a ton of fuel to get through your morning.

Lady's Magical Unicorn Oatmeal

1/2 cup old-fashioned oats
1/2 cup almond milk
A little less than 1/2 cup water
1-2 tablespoons vanilla brown rice protein powder (great for thickening the oatmeal if it comes out too watery) - Note: DON'T use whey protein, I tried it and it's no good with this.
1 tablespoon chia seeds
1 large teaspoon nutella
sprinkling of chopped hazelnuts (or slivered almonds)
dash of salt
1/2 banana (if you're feeling froggy)

Mix the oats, almond milk and water. Microwave for 3 minutes. Take that bitch out of the microwave. Mix in everything else listed above. Enjoy. A lot.

P.S. - I would post a picture of this but it actually doesn't look very appetizing. But really, does any oatmeal look appetizing?

On mindfulness and the creeper at the bank...

I freak out whenever I see a cat (in a good way). I will spend more than a few minutes smelling candles in a TJ Maxx store. I have known to shop at 6 different grocery stores in 1 day, just to find the best deal on kale. My car is horrendously cluttered, and I like it that way.

And I'm super duper confused when it comes to metaphysical stuff.

I think it's normal to be "searching" for an answer, especially when you hit the early-mid 30's, as you've spent your 20's trying to figure out who the heck you WANT to be, then you spend your 30's making it happen (or something like that), with of course quite a few hiccups along the way, and oftentimes you end up doing something on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. (Let me just say that I'm not trying to teach some great lesson or anything, I'm just speaking purely from my uber-limited life experience).

I've said in a past post that I believe quite strongly that a lot of our purpose here in this life is to make connections - with each other, with other living beings, with whatever higher being you may choose (if that is your path), with that creeper at the bank (just be nice to him, he *probably* isn't actually stalking you). The connections will oftentimes give you signs to point you in the right direction, if you open your mind up to it. I really think I may be on to something here.

So in case you don't already know, my day job is program director for an organization that works with the homeless. There's a man in the program with whom I've become quite connected. He's struggled with alcoholism for quite some time and has a pretty colorful history (much of which is attributed to a rough childhood, which seems to be the case with many of the men in our program). He recommended that I read a book called The Four Agreements, which I read and thoroughly enjoyed (and frequently go back to when I need a reminder that I'm being ridiculous). So I went to him and asked for another recommendation, and he recommended The Alchemist. Later on that week, after I purchased it from the Kindle store, a friend and I were riding in my car and she out of the blue mentioned that The Alchemist is her favorite book ever (not knowing that it had been recommended to me and I had just the day before downloaded it).

During the course of all of these occurrences, I had a conversation with my mom on the phone and she told me to "stop and smell the roses." Not joking, the minute she said this, I was playing with a new listing app on my iPhone and the sample list on the app said "stop and smell the roses." WEIRD.

So of course, I read The Alchemist and loved it. Much of what I got from it was right in line with the iPhone app/mom message. During the course of all of THESE occurrences, I happen to be taking a course on a form of therapy that is based on the zen technique of mindfulness. Not sure if any of this means anything in particular but my dreamy, super optimistic and metaphysical-obsessed side thinks perhaps it could.

So what DOES all of this mean? The connections to others and the universe around us are super important. Coincidences can be just that, but I think if we notice them happening a lot, it could mean something a little more. Also, stop and smell the damn roses (or pet the kitten as I would do, unless of course it's feral, then it may not be a well-thought-out decision). Just a thought.

Anywho, if you haven't seen the screaming goats video, you totally should.

On screaming like a banshee (among other things)...

After seeing several references to goats over the past week, I feel compelled to write a post about them. I just love them so much. They bleat and sometimes even scream like humans.

But alas there's little I can say on that topic.

So things have been...interesting over the past few weeks. I have discovered a few new loves that I'd really like to share:

1) Trampoline fitness - this is mind-blowing and life-changing. You can burn like 1000 calories an hour AND it gives people like me an excuse to jump on trampolines for an hour. I even bought a monthly membership to this local gym so I can go as much as I want. I know what you're thinking - trampolines are for kids, don't you have little kids jumping around all the time? The answer is...yes...BUT the fitness classes are good because I can just start doing sky-jacks and tucks (screaming like a banshee) and the kids will go away. Kind of like vampires and crosses.

2) The Sir Mix-A-Lot station on Pandora. I found myself rapping "Buttermilk Biscuits" with an autistic fellow and just got inspired. I have a secret dream of being a rapper (I sometimes send raps to my husband via autorap - an iPhone app that you NEED).

3) Juicing has, once again, entered my world. I haven't been giving my juicer NEARLY the amount of TLC it deserves, mainly because I hate cleaning it after only making one or two glasses of juice. My paranoia kept from from trying to do a whole pitcher because I fear the juice will rot after a day. BUT I took the plunge, did a pitcher and guess what? Three days in, it has yet to rot and still tastes yummy. Celery, cucumbers, carrots, kale and apples ALMOST taste like a bloody mary. Almost.

Yes, that is a butterfly fairy in the background. There's also a picture of Seal (the artist). I deem that my corner of magical things.

4) WE'RE GOING TO EUROPE FOR OUR 11 YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!! I am so excited I can barely stand it. This is such a huge deal for me because I've never been outside of the country. Truthfully, we don't have a ton of money for the trip so we're doing it as cheaply as possible (and being the Queen of Cheap, I am working it quite well). So our plan is to stay in London and take the train to Edinburgh for a day and hit Paris for at least one day. I really hope we can go up in a balloon. Please, any suggestions as to things to do are certainly welcome!!

5) Guess what? Today is Caturday! I've realized over the past few weeks that my Spike is not only incredibly scuzzy but also has severe separation anxiety. He's been following me around constantly and sleeps right up on me every single night. When I come home, he actually jumps up on the table and climbs onto my shoulder and it's nearly impossible to put him down. Poor little kitler.

A Truly Orgasmic Salad...

Not sure if you've tried TJ's kale and edamame salad, but if you haven't you needn't waste 3.99 to give it a shot. I found this recipe for a knockoff version and tweaked it just a bit. The results? HEAVEN. On a multi-orgasmic level ;-)

Source: http://www.shockinglydelicious.com/better-than-trader-joes-kale-and-edamame-bistro-salad/

So I pretty much followed the recipe linked above for the ingredients (minus the dressing) although I omitted the mint and basil. But don't freak out! Instead, I made this dressing which completely changed my life (let me note that I didn't have any tamari so used soy sauce instead - it was completely fine). Ever turned up a bowl and drank the salad dressing after finishing a salad? Yeah, me neither. Until I found this dressing.

Source: http://apassionateplate.com/hollyhock-salad-dressing/

The combo of dressing + salad was simply magical. I swear, visions of unicorns danced through my dining room while I ate this salad.

 Nom nom nom!

Where are the fashion police when I need them most?

Have you ever just worn the absolute wrong thing? You know when you've done it because it's pretty fricckin' obvious the moment you arrive all decked out in what you may have thought was your most brilliant fashion choice EVER. What a massive mountain of regret it can be.

Well, as you may (or may not) have guessed, I have a terrible habit and a LONG history of doing just this. As a child I always wanted so badly to dress myself, and having a mother who was having absolutely none of that, I think as an adult I developed this "you (meaning society) don't tell me how to live my life" attitude about clothes. I am ashamed to say this "mom dressing me" thing lasted through high school so by the time I got to college I didn't really know the first thing about developing a style of my own. I remember even my senior year, mom taking out the LL Bean catalogue and telling me to pick out the colors of the boxy, oversized polos (she always ordered me a size or 2 too big) I would get to wear for the next 9 months.  Shopping at the Gap or American Eagle was not much of an option for me unless I wanted to buy my own clothes. Which I did manage to do from time to time, but really had no idea what I was doing. Case in point: the first clothing items I bought with my own money were a long-sleeved tie-dye shirt with a giant heart on the front of it, a purple leather jacket (which got stolen, thank God - I'm pretty sure said thieves were the fashion police), and a pair of bright orange Asics (for style, not because I ran because I didn't); all of which I would wear TOGETHER. That was my favorite outfit for longer than I'd like to admit.

I admire the crap out of people who just put it all out there and can be completely confident in whatever they wear, and I think my rationale behind some of my fashion choices has been, "well, even if I end up looking ridiculous, my sparkling personality will SURELY outweigh the fact that my outfit sucks."  I remember, at the age of 12, I went through confirmation at my church. Let me start by saying that the day before confirmation Sunday, I had spent the whole day at a pool party with no sunscreen. So I show up for the ceremony and ALL of the other little girls are wearing white dresses. But me? I'm wearing a black dress with hot pink and purple flowers all over it, puffy sleeves, AND my skin is a brilliant Carrie-esque blood red sunburn. I FULLY blame my mom for this fashion choice as I know she was humiliated when she realized she didn't get the memo about everyone wearing white, but guess who ended up looking like the resident dumbass (hint - it wasn't her). I'm pretty sure the whole congregation, along with God, were embarrassed for me.

So all of this leads me to my adult life. I can honestly say that at 32, I still have no idea what I'm doing in terms of fashion half the time. And I still make the mistake of showing up in jeans at the absolute wrong time AT LEAST once a month. Wouldn't it be nice if a dress code were sent out for every occasion, from a work meeting to a bachelorette party to a wedding shower? I've gone to showers where everyone was dressed in their Sunday best, and others where folks wore jeans and sneakers, and I showed up in just the opposite thing everyone else was wearing. Why can't there be a general code of conduct for things that states something to the effect of: "Everyone can wear whatever they want whenever they want, so long as it is pleasing to the eye." Why are we as society so bound by dress codes? And why don't I ever seem to get the memos?

If I could have it my way, I wouldn't wear jeans anyway. I'd wear yoga pants, tank tops, hoodies and fuzzy boots everywhere. Suck it, fashion police!