Magical Happy Blissyness (AKA On being over 30)...

So there are several pieces that have been floating around the Inter-webs about the negatives of hitting the big 3-0. I know there are quite a lot of bits that hit close to home for many people (myself included), but, if I may, I'd like to offer a well-thought out, highly personal, likely way-too-serious retort.

Your 30's kick ass. You are no longer a 20-something person trying to "find yourself", struggling with the confusion of whether or not you should stay home and watch Supernatural, then got to bed at 11, or go out and party with all the kids. You no longer give nearly as much of a damn what other people think, AND, you've made a fool out of yourself enough times that at this point, you should have some degree of self-restraint (which is a GODSEND, let me tell you). So here's a list of reasons why 30's are waaaaay better than 20's (disclaimer: this list does not of course apply to everyone in their 30's, this is simply based on my own experience):

1) You don't give a damn if people know that you go to bed at 11 after watching Supernatural. Who's got no hangover and feels fresh and amazing the next day?? This gal!

2) You may not know what you want to do with your life, BUT you've matured enough to realize that that's completely cool and actually kind of admirable.

3) You realize that while many friends are having kids, it's completely fine to wait a little while longer and totally acceptable to opt out of child-bearing. As I've recently learned, there are plenty of people who have kids (or become parents) into their late 30's and even sometimes early 40's.

4) You start to care more about other people, and less about what other people think of you.

5) Yes, you may start buying shoes more for comfort than sex appeal, but, OMG you guys there are shoes that offer BOTH!!! And they can be super cute and sexy. Ask my feet!

6) It's completely acceptable to buy books from the self-help section. In fact, if you're like me, half of your conversations may revolve around the teachings of Wayne Dyer, the Dalai Lama, etc.

7) You're no longer *quite* so reckless, and you do wear sunscreen not because adults always told you to, but because you start giving a shit about things like cancer.

8) You no longer feel guilty for needing a full 8 hours of sleep at night. It's just understood and people no longer question it.

9) You don't ever have to suffer through your first hangover again (which is typically the case in your 20's as well, but hey, it's a comforting thought for all, am I right?).

10) If you're like me, you kind of start noticing things you hadn't really noticed before. Like flowers, trees, nice sunsets, and God help me, Steve Winwood. I stopped for a solid 5 minutes on a run not too long ago to marvel at a garden of tulips. Magical happy blissyness.

11) It's harder to get bored because you're probably more likely to focus your time on things that really matter. Like a marathon session of Arrested Development on a Sunday with the mister.

12) You can revel in the satisfaction that you grew up with many of the most kick-ass cartoons EVER. Smurfs, Gummy Bears, Rainbow Bright, He-Man, GI Joe, TMNT - there was something for EVERY one of us.

13) You got to experience at least (or close to) half your life without the Internet. But you are young enough to really embrace it at the same time. It's a good place to be. Can't imagine what childhood would have been like for me if I'd had a computer WITH the Internet in my home. I'd have been so fat, plus I would have never showered.

14) You gradually become more and more aware that it's not just you - EVERYBODY is insecure as hell. Nobody really cares that much what you're wearing or how much you weigh because they're all too busy stressing about their own images. Image is dumb, but everyone struggles with it.

15) After trying so hard to be an adult for a whole decade, you realize that it's totally fine to embrace the pieces of your childhood that made you who you are. Don't throw away the toys - keep them. And not for your future children - for you.

source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Rainbow_Brite_and_Color_Kids.jpg

So I applied for this reality show...

It's called "Wipeout." You may have seen it - it's basically the American version of Most Extreme Elimination Challenge. I think I'd be really good on the show. Here are some of my answers to the application questions:

Q: WHAT ARE SOME OF THE MOST INTERESTING JOBS YOU'VE HAD?

A: My current position - I am in charge of a running program for the homeless :-) Past interesting jobs include bartender and child and adolescent therapist. I also work as a secret shopper from time to time. It's fun because I can live out my spy dreams without getting caught and interrogated

Q: WHAT WERE YOU VOTED "MOST LIKELY TO"...IN YOUR HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK?

A: I wasn't voted anything, although I'm certain they intended to vote me "most likely to start a business wherein I embroider unicorns on...things"

Q: WHAT ARE YOUR WORST QUALITIES?

A: I struggle with timeliness. I procrastinate. I have been known to be a little on the stubborn side. I have a bad habit of hitting things (mainly other cars) with my car.

Q: WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

A:  Running, blogging, podcasting, starting craft projects and not finishing them

Q: GIVE AN EXAMPLE OF WHEN YOU HAVE RISEN TO A CHALLENGE IN COMPETITION.

A: I began running 6 years ago and struggled to complete my first 5K. After getting beat by Mena Suvari, who was 10 seconds ahead of me in a 5K, I then vowed to exact my revenge on her. Though she has no clue who I am, one day she will rue the day she beat Tiffany Brennaman by 10 seconds. Over the past two years I have begun placing in my age groups and have actually won overall female in two races.

Q: DO YOU HAVE ANY FEARS? IF SO, HOW DID THEY COME ABOUT?

A: Nothing really major - I just HATE snakes. I think that comes from the fact that they're, well, really creepy.

Q: WHAT IS YOUR UNIQUE AND PERSONAL MOTIVATION FOR WANTING TO COMPETE ON THE SHOW?

A: I came across the show while flipping through the channels and immediately KNEW that I needed to be on it. I have worked really hard to get into the best shape of my life and I am sort of on the nutty, crazy side. I have gone bungee jumping and sky diving so heights are not a problem for me. I really love Most Extreme Elimination Challenge and got super excited when I saw that there was something similar to that in the US. Also - I really want to have a training montage.

Q: WHAT IS THE MOST DARING AND DANGEROUS THING YOU'VE EVER DONE?

A: I went skydiving for my 30th birthday and finagled my friends into doing it with me. I was getting some pretty ugly looks when "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was playing over the loudspeaker in the shaky Cessna at 14,000 feet. Oh, and weather conditions weren't terribly optimal that day.

Q: WHAT FAMOUS PERSON DO PEOPLE SAY YOU RESEMBLE?

A: I hear Orson Welles sometimes but I believe I'm more of a Natalie Wood (when she was 33). I've also been mistaken for Jennifer Love Hewitt (they were a little drunk but hell, I'll take it).

Q: IF YOU COULD BE ANYONE LIVING OR DEAD, REAL OR FICTION, WHO WOULD YOU BE?

A: I would be a dinosaur. No explanation needed.

Q: DESCRIBE YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT EVER.

A: I used to work for United Way. At a national conference a few years back, they had a luau with an open bar and a karaoke machine. After I lost count of the number of drinks I'd had, I found myself grinding the floor, singing "Like a Virgin" with a bunch of folks gathered around (thank GOD iPhones hadn't yet been invented). Needless to say, we left early the next morning (let me also mention that somehow I put my keys in the toilet the night before) and didn't say goodbye

Q: IS THERE ANYTHING INTERESTING OR UNUSUAL THAT WE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT YOU?

A: I am obsessed with unicorns, I'm a nostalgia freak (love anything mid-late 80's/early90's), and I have a cat named Dirt McGrit. I think airbrush is a lost art and that makes me sad.

Q: IF YOU WERE GRANTED ONE WISH, WHAT WOULD IT BE AND WHY?

A: I would end homelessness forever. And I would make unicorns real.

On pillows and hormonal days....

So just a little while ago, after a good cry over an episode of Supernatural and a country song (don't even like country music), I consoled myself by ordering bird, red panda, and unicorn pillows.

A little background: we are completely redoing our living room and despite buying a sofa, chair and rug, I was MOST excited about picking out throw pillows. And I've spent quite a lot of time perusing the Society 6 website looking for some awesome finds. And boy howdy, did I find them! These are a couple the ones I decided on:

Source: http://society6.com/product/Hello-VPU_Pillow

Source: http://society6.com/product/RED-PANDA-by-Jamie-Mitchell-and-Kris-Tate_Pillow

So being SUPER inspired, I think I'm going to make some custom pillows via cafe press. Here's what I've come up with so far:

What is that, you ask? Well, it's a design my husband commissioned for me for our 11 year wedding anniversary (just this past weekend!). And it couldn't be more perfect.

Want a better view? I thought so:

Another Magical Caturday Post!

When I was a kid (and, well if we're honest, into my teen years), I used to leap as far out of my bed as possible to avoid getting either 1) pulled under by the monster that was clearly residing under there, where there was a portal a la Little Monsters that would take him back to a hellish place, not at all like Little Monsters; or 2) getting my achilles tendon sliced by the demonic kid who was raised from the dead a la Pet Cemetery.

As a kid I was terrified of using the toilet after hearing a story about a guy who was bitten on the butt by a snake that had slithered its way through the pipes and into the toilet. I STILL, to this day, refuse to use a toilet in the dark (like in the middle of the night) and ALWAYS, ALWAYS check to make sure there's not a snake in the toilet. I also came up with this scenario that because we lived on a lake, the likelihood of a snake at some point finding its way into our house was certainly viable. And it would most definitely find its way into my room and into the foot of my bed while I was sleeping. So every night I would wake up multiple times to check and make sure there wasn't a snake in my bed. Tragic, huh?

So last night when we were of course watching a special on snakes (basically something about how we shouldn't fear them, they fear us, blah, blah, blah), something was said that completely validated my fears. Three words came out of the narrator's mouth that will be etched in my memory forever (echo that like three times): "Snakes are everywhere." WHAT. Then the narrator goes on to say that a pit viper (poisonous, yep) can easily survive in a patch of grass in the middle of downtown Atlanta.

That's fucked up.

So in changing tunes to something that DOES please and sparkle, I wanted to share this amazing lion mane that I'm pretty sure I'll be ordering for Dirt McGrit, Esquire sometime over the next 24 hours. It IS Caturday, after all.

source: http://officeforward.com/crazy-cat-full-lions-mane-costume.html

Is it weird that I can always justify being late?

To myself, that is. And knowingly knowing that I'm completely off-base. For instance. This morning, as I'm typing this post, I'm running late for a meeting. My justification? It's better for me to finish my cup of coffee and be 15 minutes late than to die in a car crash on the way because I wasn't fully awake.

I get that my rationale is completely skewed and totally selfish (I mean, really, look at me thinking of all those pedestrians I could possibly hit on the road because I'm half asleep and unable to fully pay attention). But seriously. This, I've come to realize, is a TERRIBLE habit I've developed. And yet, here I am, still typing!!!

Okay, seriously, I've got to leave. But I'm not done with my coffee yet, and I really need to think of the pedestrians. If I had a dime for every time I've texted someone with the note "running late - fucking traffic" then perhaps I could buy myself something really nice. Like a Union Jack table and chairs. Oh wait, I already did.

Amaze-balls.

The BEST oatmeal you will ever try - I dare you to fight me on this one.

So I *may* have left a candle burning too close to my laptop and now it's all melty. THIS IS WHY WE DON'T HAVE NICE THINGS. That was a bad decision on my part.

So let's talk about good decisions - for instance, eating breakfast. If you've ever had a conversation with me and admitted to skipping breakfast, chances are you've gotten a good (and well-deserved) scolding. I believe in a thing called breakfast (just listen to the rhythm of my heart). And because I believe so strongly in the power of that first magical meal of the day, I'm going to share my secret recipe for the most BOSS oatmeal EVER known to woman (or man, or goat). I'm serious you guys. This stuff is so good I've eaten it every morning for over a year. It's a little high in calories but it gives you a ton of fuel to get through your morning.

Lady's Magical Unicorn Oatmeal

1/2 cup old-fashioned oats
1/2 cup almond milk
A little less than 1/2 cup water
1-2 tablespoons vanilla brown rice protein powder (great for thickening the oatmeal if it comes out too watery) - Note: DON'T use whey protein, I tried it and it's no good with this.
1 tablespoon chia seeds
1 large teaspoon nutella
sprinkling of chopped hazelnuts (or slivered almonds)
dash of salt
1/2 banana (if you're feeling froggy)

Mix the oats, almond milk and water. Microwave for 3 minutes. Take that bitch out of the microwave. Mix in everything else listed above. Enjoy. A lot.

P.S. - I would post a picture of this but it actually doesn't look very appetizing. But really, does any oatmeal look appetizing?

On mindfulness and the creeper at the bank...

I freak out whenever I see a cat (in a good way). I will spend more than a few minutes smelling candles in a TJ Maxx store. I have known to shop at 6 different grocery stores in 1 day, just to find the best deal on kale. My car is horrendously cluttered, and I like it that way.

And I'm super duper confused when it comes to metaphysical stuff.

I think it's normal to be "searching" for an answer, especially when you hit the early-mid 30's, as you've spent your 20's trying to figure out who the heck you WANT to be, then you spend your 30's making it happen (or something like that), with of course quite a few hiccups along the way, and oftentimes you end up doing something on the complete opposite end of the spectrum. (Let me just say that I'm not trying to teach some great lesson or anything, I'm just speaking purely from my uber-limited life experience).

I've said in a past post that I believe quite strongly that a lot of our purpose here in this life is to make connections - with each other, with other living beings, with whatever higher being you may choose (if that is your path), with that creeper at the bank (just be nice to him, he *probably* isn't actually stalking you). The connections will oftentimes give you signs to point you in the right direction, if you open your mind up to it. I really think I may be on to something here.

So in case you don't already know, my day job is program director for an organization that works with the homeless. There's a man in the program with whom I've become quite connected. He's struggled with alcoholism for quite some time and has a pretty colorful history (much of which is attributed to a rough childhood, which seems to be the case with many of the men in our program). He recommended that I read a book called The Four Agreements, which I read and thoroughly enjoyed (and frequently go back to when I need a reminder that I'm being ridiculous). So I went to him and asked for another recommendation, and he recommended The Alchemist. Later on that week, after I purchased it from the Kindle store, a friend and I were riding in my car and she out of the blue mentioned that The Alchemist is her favorite book ever (not knowing that it had been recommended to me and I had just the day before downloaded it).

During the course of all of these occurrences, I had a conversation with my mom on the phone and she told me to "stop and smell the roses." Not joking, the minute she said this, I was playing with a new listing app on my iPhone and the sample list on the app said "stop and smell the roses." WEIRD.

So of course, I read The Alchemist and loved it. Much of what I got from it was right in line with the iPhone app/mom message. During the course of all of THESE occurrences, I happen to be taking a course on a form of therapy that is based on the zen technique of mindfulness. Not sure if any of this means anything in particular but my dreamy, super optimistic and metaphysical-obsessed side thinks perhaps it could.

So what DOES all of this mean? The connections to others and the universe around us are super important. Coincidences can be just that, but I think if we notice them happening a lot, it could mean something a little more. Also, stop and smell the damn roses (or pet the kitten as I would do, unless of course it's feral, then it may not be a well-thought-out decision). Just a thought.

Anywho, if you haven't seen the screaming goats video, you totally should.